The Empath and the Narcissist
The Empath and the Narcissist: An Opportunity to Recognise Healing Is Needed
If you have been lucky enough to have reached this point in your life without having a relationship with a Narcissist, congrats! Relationships with people who are genuinely Narcissistic can be extraordinarily painful and ultimately, remarkably disappointing.
Narcissism is characterised by a deep and disturbing lack of empathy which is why they make such wonderful matches with Empaths; the Empath is fundamentally very understanding, caring, and sincerely wishes to help the Narcissist by viewing them as in need of emotional support and nurture. However, the Narcissist is usually uninterested in being helped and so it’s very rare that romantic relationships with Narcissists work out in the end.
“I felt sorry for him”, my friend emphatically confessed. She recently felt forced to end her relationship with her partner who displayed several Narcissistic traits. They had been together for a few years but in that time, she had been discarded three times by him and by the time she chose to call an end to it, her self-confidence was at an obvious all-time low. The final nail went in when she discovered he had an online dating profile which he seemed to be very active on. She said that she had tried to make it work and from what I gathered, I believed this to be true. She stayed with him as she knew that he had endured a hard time with his parents and siblings in his youth and she wanted to soothe him and make his life better.
I remember when she first met him and although she knew then that it wouldn’t be an easy relationship as he always strived for complete perfection in her, she found great chemistry in the union, sincerely felt she understood him on a deep level and was determined to make it work and give him a wonderful life. I thought this was very admirable and kind of her at the time but I also feel that had she known about Narcissism, perhaps she would have thought twice about entering the relationship.
As someone who has had their very own long-standing relationship with a suspected Narcissist, I have heard similar hopes from Empaths many times before. I have also heard lines such as “but she was so incredibly exciting”, “he seemed wonderful when we first started dating and I want that man back” and “I want to help her”. Narcissists can be extremely charming and seem very exciting and unique in the beginning, but that wears off, sometimes very quickly and the Empath is left wondering what went wrong, did they do anything wrong, and how they can heal the relationship and move it forward.
One of the strangest spiritual by-products of a relationship with a Narcissist is that a lot of people discover they are Empaths (someone who has the ability to feel other people’s emotions as if their own). I am one of these people. I had no idea I was an Empath prior to the end of my relationship with this partner. At the time my relationship ended with him, I wasn’t hugely spiritual and so I may never have known. I was happy to discover this as a direct result of my relationship with him so that was something very positive that I took away from the relationship.
Ending a relationship with someone who you really like, or worse, really love, can, of course, be extremely painful. From my research, it seems that it can be even more painful if it’s with a Narcissist. They usually end relationships very quickly, without any discussion or warning which can leave you feeling confounded, or they can devalue you to a shocking degree just beforehand. Some of them have the ability to then bounce straight into new relationships which can make the break-up even more painful.
I do, however, think that relationships with Narcissists provide Empaths that may be in need of some counselling or spiritual healing with an opportunity to receive that healing. Once an Empath (or anyone else for that matter) recognises that they’re in a relationship with someone who is selfish, self-centered and lacks empathy, it can provide them with an opportunity to seek healing to help them detach from them.
We shouldn’t forget that Narcissists themselves are in need of counselling and spiritual healing but it’s sadly not often that they recognise this, much less do something about it. However, if and when someone with Narcissistic traits decides to seek help, with all the various healing modalities available today, it’ll definitely be available somewhere out there for them.